A Moment of Clarity

"Going to get serious for a moment. Please excuse this mess."

As I walked out of the house at 4:45 AM (yes, that’s what time I leave for work every morning) it was eerily calm and quiet outside. It seemed much darker than it should have been and completely still without a sound. I had to concentrate just to hear the traffic on I-95 (usually not a problem). It was at this moment that I had to remind myself that the world moves on, with or without me.

Yesterday was not a very good day at all. I was notified that the extension of my time here was not going to be approved. I received a call from my contract company telling me I had 13.5 business days left and that we must begin the process for my "deportation" (kind of what it feels like when you have to leave a government organization…especially as a contractor sitting at the client site). I have to admit, it hit me pretty hard especially since I still had no interviews in site.

When I got home, I was not in a very good mood. A little depressed, stressed and confused. My wife was trying to keep my spirits up and my kids were running around living their ‘free from school’ summer lives. At one point my oldest daughter decided to hide around the corner and scare the bejeezus (shut up…it’s a word) out of my son. She scared him so bad his socks were the only thing left where he stood a second ago. I laughed for the first time that day.

Losing your job can be very hard on a person, especially when you realize that there are 4 other people (along with me…no my ego doesn’t count…this time) that depend on the money you bring in. I got scared yesterday and my "socks" were left where I stood. I don’t scare easily. The only thing that truly scares me is letting my family down. That’s how I felt for most of yesterday.

This morning, in those few steps from my door to my car, in that oddly silent moment, I remembered that this isn’t that bad. I have been through much worse. This isn’t even close to the worst moment of my life.

A few years ago, my youngest daughter was diagnosed as an epileptic. I held her many times while she seized that day. The worst part was knowing I can’t do anything to help her. After each seizure, I looked in her eyes and saw the confusion in her face and the desperate pleading for some protection…but there was nothing I could do.

But I can do something about this. I refuse to give up and I am in for the fight. A moment of clarity in those few steps from door to car this morning. It’s rare to get a moment like that, but when you do take full advantage of it. I will continue to push and find my way back to work for my family…and for myself. This is just a job. My life is at home. I don’t work for the job, I work for my life at home and I refuse to let this job come between me and my life. There is a new job waiting for me and I will find it.

Time to reload and renew. Let’s get this ball rolling. Sorry for the serious moment, but I needed it. I promise to get back to a more light-hearted blog in the next post. Just needed a kick in the ass today. I am good now.

Status Update: 15 days until unemployment…until I get to have my summer life. 

'Happy' 4th of July

It’s the 4th of July holiday weekend, a few short weeks until I am out of job. So far I have learned that what I am doing is either not working, is working, but taking its sweet old time or is somewhere lost in between. Basically what I mean is I haven’t learned anything. Except how NOT to find a job.

I keep taking the advice that I have been given. I have used the methods that I know to have worked many times in the past. I feel I have done some things that have yet to be tried or discovered…and I am still sitting here waiting for that first interview. What’s it going to take? A Bribe?

At this point, I am not sure even a bribe will work (like I have the money for that). Maybe it’s time to try that blackmail thing I mentioned a few posts back? NO…I am most certainly not trying the sexual act…GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER…I have at least another week or two before I have to start thinking about that. Hmmmm???

I am starting to get a little desperate. I have even lowered my standards and extended my commute, which I definitely did not want to do. I am tired of driving over 100 miles every day. It really kicks my butt by the time I get home. My main goal has been to shorten my commute. My salary range does not seem to be a problem at this point, so I have not messed with that (I think most companies would be willing to pay me next to nothing to sit on my butt and pretend I know stuff…so no need to mess with that).

So where do I go from here? I am not so sure at his point, but I will let you know as soon as I do. The one thing I know is I can't give up and I can't let it get me down. That's the best advice I can offer at this point, but I feel it's great advice.

Have a Happy 4th of July and remember that those fireworks could have been made by someone in my position ("I will get those SOB's")…which could spell disaster for you. I’m just sayin’...have a safe Independence Day.

Status Update: Celebrating my independence with 20 days of employment left. yay…(insert your own raspberry sound effect here).